19.10

Dirk bolted the door to the War Room. When he wanted to brood, he liked to shove miniature armies around the map of Camerand. He needed to be alone with his thoughts. In his chambers, he would have likely been disturbed. Here, the servants knew better.

He had slept very little the previous night. After carrying Zyrdicia to his chambers, she had settled into a restless sleep immediately. He had watched her toss and turn and occasionally mumble incomprehensible words. The dreams came in waves. She would look perfectly peaceful for a while until the next subconscious onslaught crashed ashore, enveloping her in the tempest of another nightmare. It was no wonder she had an aversion to sleep.

He had only awakened her once. She had drowsily denied she was dreaming at all, assuring him the demons could not bother her if she was not alone. That was, of course, a preposterous lie.

He was mildly pleased that she had come back on her own yesterday evening. The pet's training had at least been successful in that regard. Still, he was far from pleased by the rest of the episode. She had exceeded the length of leash he preferred to give her. Disappearing to Lyr disturbed him as it never had before. He doubted very much that she had really been alone all that time.

Most of all, though, her wrist-slitting "recreation" bothered him. He felt vaguely betrayed by it. Whatever she had needed, she had not trusted him to ask - or even to share it with him. She knew how much he relished that part of their relationship. She would not even explain what motivated it. But then, she was full of secrets lately. The thought that she might have gone to someone else for the pain she craved made him mad with jealously. It was the worst form of infidelity he could imagine.

His outrage had grown with each passing minute as the sun rose. They had not spoken a word since she had left his quarters to dress early this morning. He had avoided her all day and evening.

He knew that she lied incessantly. She not only lied about her dreams now. She also lied about whatever lingering problems she had from the coma. She lied about being ready to attack Camerand. Most especially, she lied about her new-found reluctance to set foot in the dungeon. She never killed anymore. She wanted to be held and have fairy stories read to her. It was almost as though the damned demon on the Astral Plane had robbed her of her destructive talents, rendering her her useless to Dirk as a weapon. Perhaps that is the secret she is keeping, Dirk grimaced in disgust at the thought.

No one ever succeeded in keeping secrets from him. His wife could be no exception. He would discover everything. She had no right to keep anything at all from him, ever. In Zyrdicia's absence yesterday, he had already tried to get Portia to divulge whatever Zyrdicia was hiding. She could only tell him that Zyrdicia was not talking about it to anyone - even Philip was in the dark for the first time ever. Zyrdicia would not permit him to document anything about the adventure with Baal in her biography. Her servants were all terribly worried. She never kept anything to herself. Portia had thought she was incapable of it - until now.

Dirk turned a miniature infantrymen in his hand, thinking. He intensely disliked not being in control of her. He snarled in frustration, crushing the little figurine in his fist.

His present state of mind defied reason. In some ways, his life would be easier if she hadn't returned at all. At least then this madness would be over. She certainly had not done anything since his coronation to make herself useful to his invasion. If he discovered the demons had secretly declawed this particular pet, he would kill her himself to be rid of her, he decided. She couldn't really be immortal.

After a time, he heard Zyrdicia slip into the War Room without knocking. Dirk's back was to her, but he had heard the door. No one else could walk through a locked door like that. And certainly no one else stepped as lightly. He chose not to acknowledge the intrusion.

"You've been ignoring me all day," she said quietly behind him.

"You forget I have responsibilities other than entertaining you."

"Like playing with toy soldiers?"

Dirk could hear the smile in her tone. He ignored it.

"I heard some of the guards discussing what a nice night it is," Zyrdicia offered hopefully.

"The storm passed through," Dirk replied indifferently moving a two-inch pewter horseman over Castle Baaldorf on the table.

"Let's go out for a while."

"No."

"Just to get out of the damned castle for a little while."

"No."

"We can go somewhere to talk. I know you are still upset." She moved to his side at the table. He still refused to look at her. "Is it about me being gone so long yesterday?"

"Hardly. I'm well accustomed your infantile behavior," he responded caustically.

"Do you want me to go back to Lyr for a while?" she asked quietly, her expression fragile.

A scathing glare met the inquiry.

She blinked in surprise. She had expected him to at least say no. "I don't understand what I did this time," she said quietly. "I thought everything was fine went you came and brought me to your chambers. . ."

His eyes moved back to the map before him, again refusing to look at her. He let her linger in self-doubt deliberately. He hoped the punishment would correct her misbehavior.

"Send someone through the trade gate with a message when you're ready to start the southern assault," she suggested, making no effort to hide her disappointment. "Then we can finish our pact and --"

His hand shot out and grabbed her wrist without warning. He hissed, "You would like that, wouldn't you?"

"If I wanted to be in Lyr right now, I would still be there," she frowned. "That's why I came back to you - twice now!"

He turned to glare at her. His glare met the damned expression of infinite innocence and vulnerability that defied every effort to be angry.

"Please don't stay mad at me," she whispered longingly. "I need you."

"Do you?" he demanded suspiciously.

She responded with a look of affection too genuine to disregard, then nodded adamantly. She tugged gently at his sleeve. "I can't bear being ignored."

Dirk's eyes narrowed at the admission. Ignoring her for an extended period was the only way he had yet found to get through to her. Confrontation never worked. This had her truly upset. He stared into the enormous pools of violet, sensing her distress. He was vaguely pleased. "I ignored you today because you've begun to frustrate and annoy me," he said evenly.

"But I thought I always did that," she frowned. "Or at least you always told me I did. You never used to ignore me for doing it."

"This is different. I'm no longer amused."

"I don't amuse you any more?" She stared at him in disbelief.

"That isn't what I-"

"Then you do want me to go back to Lyr. Fine. I won't be back this time." She looked more unhappy than at any time since he'd known her. "Goodbye, Dirk."

He snatched her arm and barked, "No! Stay here!"

She hesitated, confused. A hint of a scowl graced her brow, a warning of impending anger.

"Listen to me!" he said quickly, his fingers digging into her arm. He realized now that he had pushed the game a bit too far. It could well blow up in his face. She was far more sensitive right now than he had anticipated. She might have killed thousands, but she was still such a damned woman. "I never said you no longer amuse me - only that your latest behavior does not."

She stared at him, a pout replacing the scowl. "I don't understand you. You insist I sleep alone, then you come and carry me to bed. You ignore me all day, then tell me not to leave. I hate this. This isn't even fighting. This is-- "

"Frustrating and annoying," Dirk interrupted quietly.

She nodded, then sighed heavily. "Maybe leaving for a little while is not a bad idea. We're driving each other crazy."

"If you flee again, do not come back!" he warned.

"I don't know what else to do." She bit her lip and touched one hand to his chest. "Can't we just make up and go to bed?"

Dirk covered the hand at his chest then shook his head firmly. His voice lined with contempt, he sneered, "I hesitate to hurt you given your injured state."

"It isn't like that!" she protested angrily. The hand at his chest balled into a fist. "You don't even know what you're talking about."

His hand closed tightly around her wrist. His eyes twinkled menacingly. "You should know better than to try to deceive me."

"Do you think by ignoring me and threatening to stop playing with me, you can torture a confession of injury out of me like some fucking dungeon captive who would say anything to save his skin?" she sneered.

He glared at her darkly. That was, of course, precisely what he hoped. They stared at one another in silence for several minutes. His grip on her wrist had tightened to the point it cut off circulation in her hand. She did not even notice.

"I'm not broken," she said stubbornly.

"Then why have you been acting so strangely?"

"If I tell you, will you promise you will never, ever deliberately ignore me again?"

Dirk arched a brow. He was reluctant to give up something so effective at motivating her. He studied her expression. Traces of anger still lined her countenance. She was still at risk of fleeing. He was too close to getting what he wanted to trifle with her further. "Yes, provided you tell me everything I want to know and convince me you will abandon your efforts to deceive me. You have my word."

She made no effort to disguise her discomfort with the proposition. She blinked uncertainly. "I also want you to promise you will never send me to sleep alone again."

"Zyrdicia," he purred in a patronizing tone.

"Promise!"

"As you wish."

"And you'll stop acting like I am a damned invalid."

"We'll see."

"No! Promise!"

"Enough! I tire of this game. If you aren't 'broken,' as you say, you have nothing to worry about, do you?"

She exhaled slowly, looking rather defeated. "I don't want to talk about it here. I really do want to go for a ride."

"You are sure you're up to it?" His lips curled in amusement at the angry expression that met his query. "Let's go see about getting the horses."