LYRIAN LIAR: SPECIAL EDITION

exclusive interview with Zyrdicia

Fallen Angel:

The City's Favorite Diva Talks about Life, Love and Lust a Century after Azriok

Interview by Max Luegner

Liar: You have been out of town for several months. Where have you been?

z: Causing trouble in someone else's world. I was sojourning in a foreign kingdom.

Liar: Which one?

z: It's unknown here. A storm-swept wasteland off-world. It's a primitive land, culturally, militarily, technologically and economically. They have the most backwards magical practice I've seen in any world, anywhere.

Liar: What were you doing there?

z: Killing, mostly. The locals now worship me as a goddess.

Liar: Ah, our most popular export! Have you taught them the beauty of Lyrian culture?

z: They aren't capable of appreciating it, beyond the predictable mass-obsession with me.

Liar: Is there any truth to the rumor that you met someone during this sojourn? I heard you have a new romantic interest.

z: Had. It's over. I left him.

Liar: Already? What happened?

z: I ended it. He annoyed me. I lost interest. That's all.

Liar: Just like that? Tell us the story!

z: He's the warlord who owns the wasteland in the primitive world. The interaction oscillated between being ecstatic and being bothersome . Enough was enough. My life is complicated enough right now without dealing with that entanglement, too.

Liar: Tall, dark and handsome?

z: Of course.

Liar: Well dressed?

z: Extremely. Even Anthony thought so, and he usually thinks everyone but me is fashion-impaired.

Liar: Long hair?

z: No, actually. The men there all wear their hair short, and rather devoid of style.. It is another example of the world's primitiveness, I think.

Liar: Were you in love with him?

z: Definitely not! That would have spoiled everything. No emotional involvement, except for a weird, antagonistic friendship. He has the most sophisticated understanding of pain that I've seen in any mortal, ever. Zyr's sacred gifts to humanity run strong in him. There was a physical chemistry between us of supernatural proportions. Ultimately the antagonism won out though.

Liar: Do you miss him?

z: In a way. I miss the physical aspect of it, mostly. And the contentiousness of every conversation. It was more like a game than a relationship, and I adore games. The hostility got old though. At this time in my life, I prefer to surround myself with Lyrians, with my Inner Sanctum, friends whose loyalty to me transcends this world.

Liar: Will you ever go back?

z: No. There is nothing to draw me back. It's not like I hate him or want to kill him. I just lost interest. It required a lot of attention and concentration. Maybe I'll go to the underworld and visit him there after he dies. I don't know.

Liar: It sounds like a torrid affair that grew stale. Is that fair?

z: Maybe. It was exhilarating while it lasted, but he cannot give me what I need. No mortal can. He came closer than most, but ultimately he too failed.

Liar: Oh, that sounds so depressing! It makes you sound almost lonely.

z: Sometimes. I am unique in the cosmos. When a god is the standard I use to judge mortal men, they necessarily fall short of my expectations.

Liar: Speaking of which, how did Azriok feel about your involvement with this foreigner?

z: He was rather put off by it. He had a role in my loss of interest. He helped convince me to leave.

Liar: As you know, many people in Lyr view your romance with Azriok as the greatest love story of all time. There were seven plays about it this year alone. Wagner's new tragic opera about it is the most anticipated performance of the year. Could it be the story will actually have a happy ending?

z: Count on it. For me, at least.

Liar: Does that mean you and Azriok are still in contact?

z: We are still very close. We reunited briefly over the summer. He is always in my dreams. Our story is far from finished.

Liar: To say you have been busy is an understatement! Rekindling your love affair with a god, starting and ending a new one with a foreign warlord, and nearly marrying the Assassin Guildmaster - I would say it has been a busy year for you. Am I missing anyone?

z: You forgot about Portia.

Liar: The city was devastated when you called off the engagement with Magnus. How did you salvage your friendship after dumping him for a woman?

z: Did you ask him this when you interviewed him?

Liar: He said to ask you.

z: Typical. The truth is that there was never going to be a wedding. It was a hoax perpetrated upon foolish reporters, like you, eager to print silly drivel about me. We staged the whole thing - the engagement, the wedding plans and even the break-up.

Liar: Whose idea was that?

z: It sort of evolved organically, as things usually do with Magnus and me. We play off of one another exquisitely. His 'proposal' was totally impromptu. When he started the spiel, we had not preplanned how I would respond. It just seemed amusing at the time. We knew everyone was listening, so we made it dramatic. Then the papers got wind of the story and it exploded. Suddenly everyone was talking about it. So we played along with it for a while. We even pondered actually staging a wedding and waiting until the day of the event to break up. The pretense was fun. Look for a sequel soon.

Liar: Would you ever seriously think about marriage?

z: To Magnus?

Liar: Sure.

z: Why?

Liar: You are obviously very fond of one another. No other man in Lyr captures as much of your affection as the Guildmaster.

z: Magnus and I have a perfect relationship. There is nothing that marriage could ever add to it. It would just ruin it.. It isn't that Magnus would not be a superb mate. He understands mirth and he entertains me as no one else can. I adore his company! He has a talent for laughter and mischief that I cherish. In fact, if I were going to destroy the city and only save just one person, he would be the one. But I don't need to marry him to enjoy him.

Liar: Does that mean you do not believe in marriage, or that you are holding out for Azriok?

z: Marriage is a patriarchal institution foreign to Lyr. It was unknown here until the last Dynasty. It was rarely practiced, even then. It did not become widespread here until the Crusaders invaded and brainwashed the population into practicing it. Women have always been free to choose their partners as they please. That was one of the things the Crusaders found so abominable about our culture. Lyrians historically recognized that Lust was one of Zyr's sacred gifts to humanity. Enslaving that gift with unnecessary social conventions defiles it.

Liar: Spoken like a High Priestess of the Old Temple. Are going to reintroduce the old scriptures to Temple service?

z: (laughs) Never! The old stories are a useful illustration of the manner in which humanity insists on degrading itself and squandering its magical heritage. That does not mean I intend to rededicate the Temple to Zyr again. He is a lost god, trapped and impotent. The only entity worth worshipping in this world is me!

Liar: Given that the wedding plans were a hoax, how should your fans now read your relationship with Magnus - or Portia for that matter?

z: I'm happiest when I'm in bed with both of them, nestled in between them. We are all very close friends.

Liar: How did you feel when Professor Geldzahler published his now-famous paper about your finances?

z: Some of it was quite flattering. I was impressed by his analysis. He was correct, of course, in recognizing that Lyr's prosperity is my creation.

Liar: He said that your acquisition of the world's platinum supply is the sole reason the metal is so rare. Do you really own all of it?

z: If I owned all of it, there would be none in circulation. Obviously.

Liar: He claims you own several million tons of it - amounting to trillions of plats, stashed in various off-world hiding spots. True?

z: Hm....perhaps hiding it as ore inside mountains? Wouldn't that be clever!

Liar: According to his data, you are the richest person on the material plane, and you secretly acquired controlling interests in every business vital to the economies of several worlds. How do you feel about him exposing this?

z: Have you seen him lately?

Liar: He has not been seen since the Multi-Plane Economic Conference, in which he presented the paper about you. Supposedly he chose that venue to prevent suppression of the data, since it was immediately published in many newspapers throughout the Material Plane. Did you kill him?

z: He hasn't been seen since? Imagine that.

Liar: So you were not pleased?

z: I was displeased with some key inaccuracies in his data. I resented the attempted intrusion into my finances. What he didn't know, he made up. Worthless wretches incapable of generating wealth on their own write papers about those of us who can. His entire existence amounted to a parasitic relationship with my creativity. Without me to write about, he had no career as an economist.

Liar: Do you feel the same way about your historian, Philip Teufelkens?

z: I did once. In fact, I told him so quite often when I was younger. We had a tense relationship for a few years. I felt as though he was always watching me and scribbling down every detail, always sending his students to spy on me. I have come to respect his expertise, however. He is one of the most gifted scholars at the university. He is the sole reason why I endow the demonology and magical history departments so heavily. He has been a tremendous resource to me over the years. And I learned to enjoy his biographical impulses as I got older.

Liar: Speaking of which, when is Volume 4 due out?

z: Volume 3 just appeared fifteen years ago, so you have to wait another decade. If you print advance copies of any manuscripts, I will gut your editorial staff. That is a promise.

Liar: You no longer reside in Lyr full-time. Where did you move to?

z: I spent an absurd amount of money on a house in a magical world that is inaccessible to anyone but me. I cut a deal with a god to buy a divine haven. I could have bought several continents for what he charged me. Anyway, Lyr is still home It always will be.

Liar: In all of your travels, do you have a favorite place to visit?

z: Depends for what. As far as killing is concerned, I really enjoyed my stay in the primitive world I mentioned earlier. For scenery, I recommend the Outer Volcanos in Manoria. For hunting beasts, the Tamerlin Jungles. For beauty, the Great Vortex in the Astral Plane. For scent, Hell's Gate.

Liar: Are you joking about Hell's Gate?

z: Not at all - come here, I'll show you. I won't bite. You aren't that attractive.

(The reporter indulged in an up-close-and-personal whiff of Zyrdicia's hair. It smells sublime.)

Liar: That's the smell of Hell?

z: No, of the Gate at its entrance.

Liar: Is it the smell of evil?

z: It's the smell of death. That is why mortals find it so alluring. It's the scent of a special flower that only grows only there. When your shade passes to the underworld, I encourage you to seek it out at the edge of the realm of the dead.

Liar: How did you discover it?

z: Isn't it natural to want to stop and smell the flowers at the edge of Hell? What else would I do? I was curious. They were there.

Liar: It has been over five years since your last interview. Why have you chosen this time to speak out again?

z: The world is about to change dramatically. Soon there may not be another opportunity.

Liar: Are you afraid you may die?

z: Quite the opposite. My magic is expanding incomprehensibly quickly.

Liar: What is your goal with these changes?

z: Omnipotence. I've grown weary of any limits to my magic.. I want the power of every god, everywhere. All at once.. That is my current intention. I will accomplish it in your lifetime.

Liar: It's not enough that you are worshipped by thousands, have most of the world's money supply hidden somewhere, have gods, kings, warlords and Councilmen at your beck and call?

z: No. I'm bored with all that. It's time for to invent a new game.